"Nothing kills you like your mind"
September 11, 2014, 3:13 PM
"You left the marks of love on me. You gave everyone the impression that you did it. You acted like you cared. You said you loved me. You showed me constantly, night after night, that you loved me. Not only physically but emotionally. You made me happy. I put so much time into making you happy. I put so much time into making sure you were ok. I care about you so much and I love you so much that I feel like my chest is going explode. So what gave you the fucking right to turn around and push me down. What gave you the fucking right to shut me out and yell at me and kick me down when I’m already kneeling. What gave you the fucking right to just drop me and leave, like a toy you just don’t want to play with anymore. I’m not someone who you can use whenever you feel like it. I have feelings and you just left me there. To rot. My insides are rotting because of you. They ache and tear and burn and sting. I want your love, I need your love. Yet you just left. Left me to fucking burn with no conclusion. So pardon me while I just burst into fucking flames. Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I didn’t do enough. Maybe I should be sorry. Should I hate myself for not being enough? Should I apologize because I failed? I have so much hurt in my body from you. My heart has a giant hole in it, and it fucking hurts. I don’t know how someone can do this to you. I don’t know how you can care about someone so much that it physically hurts you from the inside. I have so much sadness, so much pain inside me that I don’t know what to do with it all. Just go away.
I just want to go away.”
"Its not just about sex… Don’t get me wrong sex is fucking great… But when you have a connection with someone… When you feel so strong for someone… Just a kiss is enough to make your knees weak… You just cant beat that…"
I am not the first person you loved.
You are not the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forevers.
We have both known loss like the sharp edges of a knife. We have both lived with lips more scar tissue than skin.
Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came when we’d given up on asking love to come.
I think that has to be part of its miracle.
This is how we heal.
I will kiss you like forgiveness. You will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms will bandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book. I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin. I will write novels to the scar of your nose. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way it feels to have finally, finally found you.
And I will not be afraid of your scars.
I know sometimes it’s still hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection, but please know:
Whether it’s the days you burn more brilliant than the sun or the nights you collapse into my lap, your body broken into a thousand questions, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane.
I hope you fall in love with someone who makes you question why you ever thought you would be better off alone